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A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

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EXCHANGING THE CARAVAN FOR A HOME

Living in a caravan, enabled us to save a considerable amount of money in a very short time, which, in turn, enabled as to buy a brand-new house in a new suburb of Pretoria. We moved in, having just about no furniture at all. We had a double bed mattress which we laid on the floor of the main bedroom. There was no dressing table; we only had a broken piece of mirror which we leaned against the wall. I also remember clearly that we had an “Easy” washing machine which belied its name. It never was easy to use, not that piece of equipment. It was out of order most of the time and I had to open it up and repair it again and again. But young people see no obstacles. To them life is there to be enjoyed. We bought second-hand furniture, the first items being an embuia double bed and a very fancy accompanying dressing table. The next month we replaced the garden furniture with a brand new teak lounge suite. I also personally built a dining room suite consisting of a round table and eight high-backed chairs. That is how we gradually filled up our home.

SLOTTING IN WITH A LOCAL CONGREGATION

I cannot remember the events that followed in exactly the correct sequence, but let me just recall them as they come to mind. The first was that we immediately started attending the nearest congregation of the church denomination of which I had been a member all my life and of which Martie had become a member when we got married and shortly afterwards we became members of it. What excited me was that the elder overseeing the area in which we were living, had a clear testimony of salvation. He was the very first Christian we got to know after I was saved and he visited us from time to time and was quite a blessing to us.

In the way that I had been brought up, a person was to find spiritual nourishment and fulfilment within the church he belonged to, so I immediately applied myself to do so. Martie and I never missed a morning service and I also attended all the evening services. When I noticed the church leaders standing in a little group, I would inch up to them, moving backwards, facing away so that they would not see me, getting as near as possible, pricking my ears to pick up what they were discussing, hoping that they would be discussing some or other spiritual topic. I was thirsty and hungry for God and I desperately tried to find other like-minded Christians from whom I could learn and with whom I could share the joy that was bubbling up within my heart. Sadly to say, that church fountain yielded just a very small trickle of Living Water. As I got to know most of the members personally, I was shocked and deeply disappointed to realise that no more than about 10% were real, born-again Christians.

MARTIE’S ENTRANCE INTO NEW LIFE

Martie was not as enthusiastic about the things of God as I was, so she skipped the evening services, excusing herself by saying that she would tune in to a Christian radio broadcast, but I normally found her asleep on the couch when I returned home from the church meeting. However, God’s Spirit was also working within her heart, turning her thoughts towards Him. The change in my life was very apparent and spoke to her in a powerful way. It caused her to try and find an answer as to why my lifestyle had suddenly changed so drastically. I never got drunk anymore and returned home promptly from work every day. She asked me many questions. I remember us lying in bed at night with the light already switched off. At that time I was still smoking and I would be puffing away on my pipe in the dark, at the same time answering her questions as well as I could. I can no longer recall exactly all the teaching I gave her, but it must have been at least a clear explanation as to the way of salvation.

As time went by, we would both, after supper in the evening, go into separate rooms to have a quiet time with God. During such times we would read our Bibles and engage in a time of prayer. One evening in June, as I emerged from my study and on my way to our bedroom, I met with her emerging from the adjoining spare bedroom. She stopped, looked up into my face and in her shy, reserved way, said: “I never lived a wayward life like you did, but tonight I realised that I too am a sinner in the eyes of God and I have just given my life to Him, as you have done with yours”. I was dumbfounded. I had never expected that she would take that step all on her own without being prompted and encouraged by me. As a matter of fact I had refrained from doing so, for fear of pushing her into doing something that would not come from her own heart, something that she would do just to please me and not because she personally desired it. My heart was flooded with joy but I kept a straight face so that she would keep her eyes on the Lord and not try to please me, the more so because I was very overbearing at that time and actually somewhat bullied her emotionally. Then also, I was very young in the Lord and had not yet learned how to put these treasures into words. Nevertheless, from then onwards our faith in the Lord Jesus was real, not just doctrine, but experience. Both of us had been solidly born again by the gracious, but powerful working of the Holy Spirit and nothing, but nothing, could change us back into what we had been before.

MARTIE’S ACCOUNT OF HER GETTING MARRIED AND SAVED

This is how Ben and I met each other. It happened at the beginning of February, 1962. I was employed as a typist in the Magistrate’s office at Piet Retief, in the Eastern Transvaal. On a certain day, the assistant Magistrate came to my office and introduced Ben to me and my colleague. I looked at Ben as they walked away from our office and I said to her: ‘That man is going to be my husband one day.’  She smirked and laughed at me, seeing it as a big joke!

 At the beginning of April, only two months after we had met, Ben and I started dating.  I was only 18 years of age but had made up my mind and our relationship grew steadily till September 1967 when we got engaged. Come January 1968, Ben got promoted and was transferred to the head office of the Department of Justice in Pretoria. We decided to get married before he would leave and so, on 27 January, 1968, we were married, after almost six years of dating.

 We moved to Pretoria and took up residence in a very fine private hotel, namely the Selene. Since birth I had been staying with my parents, so, though happily married, it was very hard for me to be all alone during the day until late in the afternoon when Ben came home from work. I applied for and found employment in the Magistrate’s office at Pretoria.  In December 1969 I fell pregnant and a few months later we bought our first brand new house in Lyttleton (Centurion), a suburb south of Pretoria.  At the end of June 1970, I resigned, three months before the birth of our first son on the 18^th of September 1970.

 It was during the beginning of January 1970 that I sensed and observed that there was something strange going on within Ben.  His behaviour had changed drastically; not in a bad way, it actually changed for the better. In the past he would phone me, telling me he would be home a little late, because they were having a party with some of their co-workers, and then he would arrive home late in the evening, usually quite intoxicated. This never happened any more. Then also, suddenly he did not want us to go to a dance or the movies at all. He also could not handle it when somebody was telling a dirty joke. On Sundays he wanted us to attend both the morning and evening church services.  Every afternoon he was home early.  This puzzled me but I did not ask any questions.  I was just watching him. He was like a stranger to me, though there was nothing wrong with our relationship towards each other.

 This continued for some four months. At last I could handle it no more, so I confronted him regarding his strange attitude of the past months. He then told me, that on a certain night, while we were still staying in the caravan on the smallholding, he gave his heart to the Lord, while I was sleeping.  He explained to me how he had accepted the Lord Jesus as his Saviour, how God had saved and made him to be a new creature, as indeed he was.

 I could not really understand this and especially could not see why I should be born again as I had always thought my life to be not all that bad. I had grown up in a home where, as I could recall, every Sunday morning when we as children woke up, I heard my parents singing Hallelujah songs!  I never ever used the Name of the Lord in vain. I was the best student in my catechism class, etc.  So, I was convinced that I was a good person. However, as I thought about what Ben had told me and as I kept on watching him, I realised that I did not have what he had.  From then on the Lord was working in my heart and I could find no peace till June of that year. Then, one evening, while Ben was having his quiet time with the Lord in our study, I went into a spare bedroom, read the Word and there the Lord convinced me that my relationship with Him was not right and that, although I was a ‘good’ person, I was not saved, but lost.  I had not yet accepted the Lord Jesus as my Saviour so I went on my knees at the bed and gave my life to Him. When I walked from the room into the passage, Ben was just passing and so I told him what had happened to me. Although I did not yet have everything clearly sorted out in my mind and understanding, I knew very well that something great had happened to me and I knew that I was a different person.  From that time onwards I never turned back again, and I praise the Lord for His faithfulness. He has sustained me during all these years.  I also thank God for Ben, for if it had not been for him I do not know where I would have been today.  Praise the Name of the Lord!  From then on we could serve the Lord together.

 AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE; WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!

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A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

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 SPROUTING OF THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST.

 A question lingering in your mind as you are reading this probably would be: “So did you share your experience with Martie and what was her reaction to it?” My answer to that simply is: “No, I did not.” You see my experience was something that had happened deep within, it was not out in the open as when someone responds to an altar call in church, going forward before the eyes of family and friends. When that happens and your dear ones are present, they would be all excited and congratulate you, slapping you on the back. They may have tears running down their cheeks and you would immediately almost be forced to speak about that which had just happened to you. The ice would then have been broken and the way opened for you to go out into the world and testify to your newly found salvation. But in my case, my new life in Christ was like a tender little plant sprouting forth and breaking through the surface into this unknown world, unassisted by the hand of man. It was a very personal experience and I had no urge to verbalise it.

However, the evidence of it became apparent in my life in many different ways. Somebody once said that Kikuyu grass is such a strong grower that it would even break through the edges of a tarred road. Now that is how it was with me: I just could not hide this new life that was growing within me. It was  like Kikuyu boosted by handful’s of superphosphate and daily showers. What is especially still so very vivid in my mind, is the exceeding thirst I had for the Word of God. I read it in the morning; I read it in the evening. During lunch time at work, I closed my door and read it some more. I devoured it. I could identify with the psalmist that said it was as honey to his palate (Ps 119:103). I underlined all the verses that spoke to my heart. I always had a pocket Bible with me and even when we would go away fishing for the weekend, I would have it with me and read it, and read it, and never get sufficient of it. The Old Testament stories and the stories recorded in the Gospels, had a special appeal and it is the same up to this very day. I love to read, not only of what people said, but especially of what they did. I love to read how God dealt with people, seeing Him at work in their lives.

DISAPPOINTMENT WITH THE CHURCH

I am, however, sorry to say that I did not derive the same satisfaction by interacting with the church at large at that time. Prior to my salvation, we had not been to a church meeting for at least a year, since it did not appeal to us. Now suddenly there was this urge within me to get back into a meeting and listen to the Word being preached. I took Martie along with me, chose the nearest congregation of the denomination of which I had been a member up to that time. It was an evening meeting. The minister announced that they would be having a function to raise funds for the church and that everybody would be welcome and all were encouraged to join in to bake cakes which would then be sold on a certain day.

I was in the clouds for here now was my opportunity to do something practical to give vent to this joy that was within me, and so Martie and I remained behind after the meeting together with the members of the church that were like-minded. We of course did not know any of them because we were not members of that congregation. Great was my disappointment when they took no notice of us at all, sort of just looking us over, wondering what on earth we wanted. Nobody came to us to invite us to join them. We almost felt like gate- crashers breaking into a sacred party. After a while we just turned around and made our way home. Yes, we really were disappointed, but not in God. I came to realise that they did not share this burning enthusiasm for the Lord. To them this was simply another item on the church’s agenda; a social thing to do together; a good thing that would also create funds. They were not doing it to bring joy to the King of Kings.

DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD!

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A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

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REACHING OUT TO THE LOST

My heart now was ablaze with fervour for the Lord Jesus Christ and for those that were in darkness, those that had never met the Saviour. We never had any courses on winning souls in those days, so it was just a matter of learning from the Word what God wanted us to do and then do it. I managed to get a variety of tracts and set about using them. At that stage, it was common for all of us to travel to work by train and I boarded at the station within our suburb and travelled to Pretoria. It was just a short ride, but every morning I would hand out a couple of tracts, walking up and down the aisles of the train coaches. Some people were quite interested and immediately started reading them, but there was the odd one who took offence. I will not forget the day when a man turned red with anger and threw down the tract on the floor. I forgot what he really said to me but what I do remember is that the people all around him found it very amusing and laughed at him. So by God’s grace I got away without being embarrassed.

The head office of the Department of Justice where I was working was in the very heart of Pretoria and our lunch break lasted for an hour. So what I did was just bolt down my sandwiches and a cup of coffee and then take a bunch of tracts out to the streets. This was not an easy thing to do because I was a magistrate and many of my colleagues were of course also moving around the streets in that area during lunch time. On seeing me handing out tracts, they were embarrassed and just looked the other way, but to me this was very serious business. I simply thought that if the Lord Jesus Christ could go all over preaching the Gospel, often being ridiculed or being at the receiving end of the cutting words of the Pharisees and Scribes, then who was I to shun such reaction? Who was I to be ashamed of my Lord and of His message?

Once the ice had been broken, I got bolder and bolder and all fear of this type of outreach just faded away. I remember one Easter weekend when I went to the Pretoria Station where hundreds or even thousands of people were boarding the different trains. This was a wonderful opportunity to hand out tracts to them and I set about doing this. Some frowned, others smiled, but my heart still breaks as I recall the sad face of a certain man. He was with his family but stopped when I gave him the tract, turned back to me and said: “You know what, there was a time when my heart was on fire for the Lord just as yours is at the moment. At that time I too went around distributing tracts but I am sad to say that I have backslidden and that I am no longer really following the Lord.” He folded up the tract and followed the rest of his family.

I sat down on a bench with tears in my eyes, praying to the Lord, saying: “Oh dear Lord, please keep me from backsliding, please never forsake me. You can chastise me, You can do to me whatever you want to, but please, if ever I should grow cold and turn away from You, keep on pursuing me and bring me back on track, even though it be by the scruff of my neck.” Well, God is gracious and today, after some 43 years and at the age of 73, I still cannot resist the “temptation” not only to “chase after” the wayward ones, but also to assist God’s children in whatever way I can to overcome their heartaches, fears, temptations, lack of faith, lack of understanding or whatever, in order that they may come to know the length and depth and height of the Saviour’s love.

During that time I met up with a deacon, or shall I say, I got to know him in a deeper way. He too loved the Lord dearly and came from a family that loved God. His story was that they had lived somewhere in a small town out in the country, where his father also died. His mother continued to bring them up in the fear of the Lord. The congregation to which they belonged, however, did not show much sign of the presence of God and the working of the Holy Spirit. So one day his mom went to the pastor and said to him: “Reverend, I have been attending this church for many, many years now and through all of these I have never seen a single soul being converted by your message. For that reason I am now moving to Pretoria in the hope of finding a church where my children may receive proper teaching and instruction in the Word and ways of God.”

This was a very bold thing for a widow to do but God honoured her and undertook for this family financially so that she was able to raise all her children and, as far as I can remember, they all turned into God-fearing men and women. Besides all the lukewarm Christians in this world, there are the radical ones, the ones that are willing to sacrifice for His Name’s sake, because they love Him dearly.

I met up with one of her sons and we became good friends. Having had so much more experience in the ways and work of God, he was able to open up channels for many other Christians to get involved in the making of disciples in some way or another. One of the things which he did, was to start a prayer meeting at his home and he invited me to attend. We gathered very early in the morning, something like 6am so that we could get back home, snatch a bite of breakfast and get to work on time. These prayer meetings were mightily blessed by God and we saw people coming there that we never thought would do so. One day a certain lady attended the meeting and requested that we pray for her for she was terminally ill with cancer. The doctors had no further hope for her. We laid hands on her and prayed and soon afterwards received the good news that she was healed and that her life had been restored to her by God. This was of course a mighty encouragement to me to continue in serving the Lord by reaching out to those in need.

This Christian friend of mine then had a vision that we should open a Sunday School at a nearby institution for Coloured children. It was called the “Naughty School” because of the fact that the children placed there, all had criminal records and it was in fact a correctional institution for children up to the age of about 18 years. Nobody else was interested in the spiritual welfare of these children and as for us, we were poorly equipped to reach out to them. We had no Sunday School materials at that stage, no experience, nor any training to minister to children who actually were in a state of rebellion towards society and of course also towards God. Another problem was to find born-again people that would be willing to be co-workers with us. In the end all we could find was a number of school children in our congregation who had somehow or other been touched by the Spirit of God, become converted and had a real desire to work for Him.

With them we got together once a week, prepared class material during that time, prepared songs and then we would all gather together on a Sunday morning and go out to the school to share the Gospel. Some of us, especially the adults who had motor cars, would also take a number of children for Sunday afternoon outing, by just driving around with them, buying them ice cream or something like that, to show goodwill, to show love and in the end just because we really loved them. So what happened was that an openness was created within their hearts towards us. It took some time, but they began to accept us. We gained their confidence, but we did not, during that period, see any of them come to the Lord.

So what we then did was to hire two buses to take all of them for a week’s holiday to the Kruger National Park where they had never been before. We also enlisted the help of a very experienced African evangelist to go with them. He really knew how to work with children, especially teenagers, and he gladly accepted the invitation and accompanied them in the bus.

What happened during that time was absolutely amazing. These children came back renewed in heart. Of course not all of them were saved, but many were really soundly born-again by the Holy Spirit. What blessed us so much, were the testimonies that came from their school teachers after that experience. They testified of a completely changed atmosphere in their classes. For the first time they could now present their classes in an orderly way without continual interruptions. If any of the youngsters misbehaved, those of his classmates that had come to know the Lord Jesus would say do the teacher: “Sir, could we just stop for a moment please, so that we can pray for him.” The class would then be stopped and they would group around this boy or girl that was misbehaving and pray for him or her. In this way, the child would calm down to such an extent that the class could now proceed and so things just improved immensely in that school.

In that way God also taught me a lesson and I saw that although I may not always be the one used by God to lead somebody to Christ, I may in a different way, become an instrument in His hand. We as adult Christians having some funds available and some influence were able to arrange for this tour; that was our part of the deal. The evangelist did not have these means at his disposal nor did he have the time to arrange something like this but on the other hand he had the ability to present the Gospel in such a way that these rebellious children could see the love of God and be drawn to the Father. Together we did it. Furthermore: it is those that stick out their necks to do something for God, that have the joy of seeing His mighty hand moving.

In the course of this Sunday school work we often had to find and train new teachers. This was not all that easy for there was so much racial friction and Whites like myself, White Christians, found it embarrassing to cross the line and minister to other racial groups. I remember how we once prayed that God would give us another teacher. It was during the morning prayer meeting previously mentioned about that we especially prayed that God would point us to somebody. That afternoon as I was returning home by train, I had my pocket Bible with me, took it out and started reading a portion. I knew that many eyes were on me as I did so, but I no longer cared what people thought of me. I was using my travelling time in a fruitful way. After a couple of minutes I looked up and, low and behold, across the aisle was another person, a young man, who also had his little new Testament open and was reading from it. In my heart I felt the Lord speaking to me saying: “That is your man; that this is the person for whom you prayed this morning to be added to your group of teachers.”

I immediately put my Bible away, got up, knelt next to him, introduced myself and said: “I see you are reading your New Testament. Do you know the Lord Jesus and do you love Him?” Without any hesitation he replied, saying: “Yes, yes I do,” and I said to him: “You know what, we are holding Sunday School classes for Coloured children in the ‘Naughty School,’ would you not perhaps be interested to join as in this venture?” “Yes”, he replied. “Yes I would love to do so.” And that is how we gained another Sunday School teacher.

This young man later on told me that as he sat in the train, he had the desire to read from his New Testament but was too shy or ashamed to do so openly. As he looked up, he saw me reading my Bible. Ashamed of his own pride, he took his New Testament from his pocket and started reading it, which opened the way for me to approach him on the issue of assisting us. Oh, may the Lord help us to be obedient to the Holy Spirit the very moment He prompts us to do this or that or to refrain from doing one thing or another. We so often miss wonderful miracles or wonderful blessings, because we do not respond to the supernatural working of God’s Spirit. If we want to experience God in a supernatural way, we must be willing to crawl way out on a branch. We must be willing to take risks, even to be embarrassed, for it is in doing so that we will see the Supernatural at work.

SNATCH THE LOST FROM THE CLAWS OF THE DEVIL!

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A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

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FAITH CHALLENGED

The Lord Jesus said to Peter: “Satan fervently wanted to sift you as wheat is sifted, but I prayed for you that your faith may not cease.” (Luke 22:31,32) I think we understand very little of the tremendous battle that is going on in the heavenly realms for the souls of men. I experienced some of this in a practical way when suddenly, without any real reason, I began to doubt my salvation. Instead of living from my spirit and hearing what the Holy Spirit was saying to me within my heart, I took to reasoning with my mind. I said to myself: “Faith is something that cannot be seen or touched. It is not a material thing, so how do you know, how can you be certain that the faith you have, is real faith. Is it not just something in your mind, something you make yourself believe? You may be deceiving yourself thinking that you are really believing that the Lord Jesus Christ died for you on the cross but are you quite certain about this? You may die and after death discover that you never really believed, that your faith was not real. What proof do you have that your faith is real?”

This went on in my mind for weeks on end and I cannot describe what intense spiritual suffering it caused me. I had no joy at all. I could not really do my daily work properly. I was wrestling in my mind trying to solve my problem by human reasoning. At last I realised that I had to go back to God’s Word and read what it says about salvation. To now go through all the Scriptures which I read and on which I meditated, would take up too much time, but in the end I realised that faith was not something of the mind but something that was worked by the Holy Spirit via His own inspired Word. So the Lord assisted me to return to just trusting God once more as a little child would. A little child does not think about his relationships with his father or mother, he just accepts that they love him and he just casts himself into their arms.

I think it was Spurgeon that once asked this question: “If you were walking in the garden and a little cat chased by a ferocious dog ran towards you and jumped up into your arms, what would you do? Would you throw it to the dog or would you protect it merely because of the fact that it had put its trust in you?” Certainly nobody would be so heartless as to surrender that little cat to the dog that wants to harm it. Since it has put its trust in you, you will protect it, possibly even with your life or even if you are in danger, because you would feel this is your moral responsibility. The same principle applies to the faith we put in God. He accepts us the moment we put our faith in Him and though that faith may be very shaky as it possibly was with the little kitten, yet He will honour that little faith. He will cuddle you in his arms and strengthen and develop that mustard seed of faith that he sees in your heart. I am always amazed when reading the Word of God to see what tremendous value He puts on faith. When Jesus was walking on earth, how many times did He not praise those that trusted Him for healing or for some other purpose. How much more will He not accept whosoever entrusts his life to Him for eternal salvation. That is how my troubled mind came to rest and I entered more deeply into the rest that is brought about by childlike faith in the risen Christ.

BREAKING THE STRONGHOLD OF LUST

On entering the land of Canaan, the city of Jericho was taken by the Israelites without much of a fight. However, as they proceeded to take the rest of Canaan, the people of Israel met with very strong opposition. They now had to learn to handle the sword, bow and arrow, slings and whatever other weapons they had, to conquer one city after the other. This was also very much my experience as I met up with firmly established strongholds in my life that dated back to the days when I did not know the Lord and when I just succumbed to every sort of temptation. (Before Israel came into Canaan the land was occupied by heathen people that had to build cities of which many had very strong walls. Furthermore these inhabitants were powerful people and some were giants. So they formed a formidable opposition for the children of Israel.)

One of the sins to which I had succumbed was in the area of sex. By the wonderful grace of God that protected me even before I got to know Him, I had not succumbed to the actual deed before marriage. I did not sleep around before marriage as many other young people did. However what I did not do in the flesh, I did in my mind and in my emotions. I often went to bookshops and paged through periodicals on photography and there I saw all these photographs of nude women and allowed my senses just to lust after them. Of course in my mind too, these lustful thoughts were often going round and round and were stimulated by the jokes and stories we as men told to one another. Now after conversion, I was picking the bitter fruit of my sin for it was deeply embedded in my life. It had become strongholds just like the cities in Canaan. I came under tremendous conviction of sin but found that I had just about no resistance to these thoughts. At that time the ladies wore mini-skirts and sexy dresses. This was the fashion at that time. It made life even more unbearable for me because wherever you walked in the streets, there was this temptation. Oh, how I pleaded with God for forgiveness and to be set free from this lust. But to no avail.

Then one day, a most wonderful thing happened to me, I had an experience that I will never ever forget. I was in my study kneeling at a chair as I normally did when praying. Then, as I was praying it was as if the Holy Spirit just suddenly flooded my whole inner being. To describe it in words is just about impossible. All I can say is that I was immensely conscious of God’s presence and especially of His love. It was like a massive stream of living water saturating me to the point where I felt I could take no more, and in that moment I just knew that there was deliverance from any kind of sin by the power of the Holy Spirit. How long I was there before God, I cannot recall but I do know that for a couple of days I had this uninterrupted sense of God’s overwhelming presence and of His love. It was a time during which there was a tremendous humility within my spirit and an overflowing love for everybody around me. It really was God taking over within me.

Then, gradually, this emotional and spiritual awareness of God faded away but there were things that remained. I had now, in a practical way, experienced the power of the Holy Spirit which was a revelation to me because we had had just about no teaching about the Holy Spirit in our church. I had read much about Him in books written by RA Torrey, but I needed this practical experience to, as it were, launch me into a life of trusting God the Holy Spirit to do within me that which I myself was unable to accomplish. Up to that point my experience was as that of Paul recorded in Romans chapter 7 where he says: “The good I want to do I do not but the bad that I don’t want to do is what I do. Oh, wretched man, who shall deliver me from this body of death?” I was in the grip of a relentless power called sin or also referred to as the old man and I was unable to escape from its clutches by my own willpower. Now I had tasted something of the power of God and of His determination to deliver those who belong to Him. As I started trusting Him, relying on His Spirit to do this for me, gradually these strongholds were beginning to crumble in my life. Later on I will give examples or mention other strongholds which the Lord also highlighted and over which He gave me victory.

FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT

Once again also, I discovered that God so often gives us more than what we ask for and in this instance he actually filled me with His Holy Spirit like the one hundred and twenty people in the upper room waiting on God on the day of Pentecost who were filled with the Holy Spirit for the purpose of going out and bearing testimony to the death and rising of Christ from the grave. Before His ascension to heaven he had said to his disciples: “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and up to the ends of the earth” (Acts1:8). At an earlier occasion, on the mountain, He also commanded them saying: “Go into all the world making disciples of all people baptising them in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and behold I am with you until the end of time” (Matt 28:19,20).

This then was the main purpose of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost: it was to empower God’s people to make disciples. This was what God also did for me that day in my study as I was kneeling at that chair: He baptised me in His Holy Spirit to enable me to go forth and make disciples for His kingdom. Before that day I also had that urge and I spoke about Jesus to just about everyone that I came across. When I saw people it was as if I saw the words: “Heaven or hell?” on their foreheads. I just had this tremendous urge to see all people coming to Christ. Now after this experience, this urge to go out and make disciples was, can I say, perhaps tenfold or a hundredfold stronger and I have never, till this very day, lost it. Later on I will tell more about my and Martie’s going out to make disciples.

Something else that God gave me on the day when He baptised me in His Spirit, was that He bestowed on me at least one of the nine gifts of the Holy Spirit. These gifts, as I later on realised, are very, very important in the making of disciples and that is why they accompany baptism in the Holy Spirit. The gift which God gave me on that day was speaking in tongues. Whenever I got down to pray as from that day onwards, I just sensed strange unknown words coming into my spirit and into my mind and there was a sort of urge for me to utter these words.

I was somehow bewildered by this. In my culture it was sometime said that if you go too deeply into the things of God you can get into a state of utter confusion and lose your mind. Nowadays, of course, I know that this is nonsense, for a person seeking God in depth, will never be deceived by the devil or lose his mind. He will actually discover his mind in a new way. However, at that stage I had not had any teaching on this topic, so it scared me and I rejected it. I closed my mind to these words and actually closed my spirit towards God in this area. Many years would pass before, after having had the proper teaching on this matter, I once more opened my heart and allowed the Spirit of God to flow through me in this way.

So this is how the Lord Himself was teaching us during those days, leading us on step by step. How often did He have to wait for days or weeks on end for us to be willing and to have confidence to take a next step along the way of spiritual growth and in the making of disciples? Oh, His grace and His patience in dealing with His sons and daughters.

REAL JOY IS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!

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   Caravan in which Ben found Christ

A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST 

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MEETING “HIM”

It happened some time before midnight on a Sunday in January 1970. At that time we were living in a caravan on my uncle and aunt’s smallholding just outside Pretoria. During the afternoon, Martie and I had been visiting my parents in Roodepoort. We returned home before sunset, had supper and went to bed at about 10 pm. I just could not fall asleep. After a while I turned onto my knees, bowed with my head onto the pillow and started praying. As I came into the presence of God, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking within me, saying: “Ben, tonight is your very last opportunity to give your life to Me. If you fail to do so, you will have no further opportunity to put things right with Me.”

I cannot say that this came to me as a total surprise, for God had been working in my life for quite some time. For many months I had been aware of the fact that He was preparing me for this moment. I sort of knew that this was forthcoming. All through that time, I sensed that the moment would come that I would meet with God in a very definite way, but I also sensed that the time was not yet ripe to do so; that He was doing things within me to prepare me for this great moment.

During that period, I had endured a most terrible unhappiness within me, almost despondency. I would look around me and see the birds darting about, chirping, and calling out to one another. I had thought of them as “God’s happy creatures” for they seemed to enjoy life so much but, as for me, there was no joy in my life at all. I had a good job. I had recently been promoted over the heads of many of my colleagues. Both Martie and I were earning good salaries. I had married her not long before that but had very little joy in my marriage. It was not that we were in any way at loggerheads with one another; it was just that I had this terrible heaviness within my spirit. I blamed God for it; I said to Him: “Lord look at the birds and see how happy they are. We as human beings are supposed to be the crown of your creation, your kings and queens on this earth, but oh God, why, why am I so terribly unhappy”?

Furthermore, I had been engaged in all kinds of sin. My friends and I often got drunk. After such frolicking I would wake up the next morning, hating myself for what I had done and also fearing the effect it could have on my career, for I was a magistrate in the Department of Justice, and living such a life was not good for my image at all. Then also, the way I was living was upsetting Martie. After such parties she would speak to me the next morning, reprimanding me for getting drunk and for misbehaving. This made me angry and I would tell her to shut up for I was well able to control myself and would not let it happen again. But lo and behold, after two, three weeks, I would be into the same thing again.

I hated myself for behaving in this way; for telling dirty jokes; for living such a frivolous life. As I said, I was doing very well in my career, but I was not thinking well of myself. My self-esteem was very low and deep within there was a growing hunger for something better in life. Although I could not quite put it into words, there was this burning desire to sort of go up into the sky above and bow down at the feet of God. I desperately wanted to know Him. I longed to walk with Him, to trot at His heels like a little dog following his master, not really caring where this would lead, just wanting to be with Him.

Then also I had this tremendous desire to break with everything that was wrong in my life. I once saw a lizard that got into trouble and in the process lost its tail, yet it ran on seemingly not having been much affected by the loss. I had this picture in my mind. I often prayed along these lines. I might not have used these exact words, but had these thoughts in my mind, thoughts such as: “Oh God, I so wish I could part with these things in my life in the same way as the lizard lost its tail. I wish I could just get rid of that part of my life; just leave it behind; just part with it and be rid of it.”

Another issue that caused me to try and come into a right relationship with God, was that Martie and I  had decided that the time had come for us to have a child, which meant that I would be taking on myself the responsibility of fatherhood. This I took very seriously. The thought that was churning around and around in my mind continuously was this: “How can you lead a child, a son, your son that you will be loving intensely, to heaven, when you yourself are on your way to hell? Just think of the terrible blame you will be saddled with for all eternity for leading bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, a human being for whose life you have been instrumental, up the wrong track. Apart from suffering for your personal sin for all eternity, you would, in addition, be seeing him in that indescribable misery forever and ever, knowing: ‘That is of my doing’.” These were the thoughts that had been going through my mind for a long, long time and I believe that they were prompted by the Holy Spirit.

It was He that was preparing me for this very night, for this hour, for this moment. I was 29 years old and without my realising it, He had been busy in my life during all those years, wisely leading me step by step to this point of decision. Many a night, even when I got home drunk, I would read my Bible and pray before going to bed, because that was the way I was brought up. As a matter of fact, I believe that I had read right through the Bible by that time. Much of the Scripture was embedded in my mind. What was God’s reaction to this drunken young man’s handling of His Word and praying to Him with a breath reeking of smoke and alcohol? Did He turn His face away from me in disgust, or did He perhaps just smile, winking at the angels, saying: “Never mind, his day is coming.”

During the preceding months I had also been reading Christian books which I probably borrowed from my parents, for both of them knew the Lord. My mother, in fact, was a devout Christian. One of the books I read, was written by R.A. Torrey, titled: “The Person and Work of the Holy Spirit.” One of the chapters dealt with the new birth, showing conclusively from God’s Word that a person had to be born again to become a child of God. I knew very well that in spite of all my religiosity, I had never been born again. I knew that I was not a child of God; that there was a great distance between me and God, that I had no relationship with Him and that if I died at that moment, my spirit would not have ascended to heaven to be with Him, but would have been lost in hell forever.

So this was the state in which I was at that moment that the Holy Spirit spoke to me. My heart had been so well-prepared that I did not hesitate to reply, even for a moment. I was happy that my opportunity for meeting with the King of Kings had arrived and so I just yielded to Him. I did not pray the sinner’s prayer as I later saw it being done during church meetings. I just sort of said: “Okay God, it’s okay with me”. Very few words passed. It was just a definite, wholehearted, happy yielding of myself; a giving of myself to Him as a child flings himself into the outstretched arms of his father without words but, by that action, saying all that needs to be said.

Have you ever thought about this? Have you ever thought about how Abraham, Enoch and David came to God? Did they pray the sinner’s prayer? Definitely not. There might have been some admission of guilt. What was going through their minds at that moment might not so much have focused on sin, but might have been something more like the following: “Oh God, I believe that You are there. You are there for me. You are the Creator. You created me. You want me and here I am. I give myself to You”. The spirit of man often speaks more clearly to the Spirit of God by its attitude, than by its words. That is why even unlearned, simple people can meet with the Almighty One, by just humbly falling into His arms. That is what I did that night: just joyfully, positively, sincerely, rendering myself to Him; believing as a small child does, that He would accept me and that He actually loved to do so. I just took it for granted that He actually wanted to have me as his own, unconditionally.

The next moment I thought of my drinking and the parties I often had with my friends and I smiled and even laughed softly and said to the Lord: “I am a man of this world and I often party. I am the leader of the partying groups, as You very well know and, Lord, I would like to see how You are going to get me out of that. I’ve been living that life for a long time and I have doubts whether You are going to be able to lift me out of that and deliver me from it altogether. Lord I know You are God, but God You are not going to find it an easy thing to do”. You may say that that was a very disrespectful way of speaking to God, that I should have confessed it as a terrible sin. You may say that it was just God’s grace that He did not strike me by lightning, but let me tell you this: God saw the desire of my heart. He knew very well that I wanted to be delivered and that my amusement with the whole situation did not speak of  irreverence but that it was rather like the story of  the father that brought his child to the Lord Jesus saying: “Lord I believe that you can do it; please strengthen my faith.”

Now, that was about all that transpired between me and God that night. Within a minute or two, it was all over; the transaction had been done, the deal clinched. I was His and He was mine and may I say that at this present moment, which is 44 years later, nothing, nothing has changed: I still am His and He still is mine. I had neither a great sensation nor any sense of joy; no great revelation; I did not see an angel or whatever. There was just this brief exchange between me and the everlasting God, the eternal Father and then I stretched myself out on the bed and went to sleep.

However, when I woke up the next morning, opened the curtains of the caravan and looked through the window, while I was still sitting in bed, something was just totally different. I could not put it into words, but as I looked through that window, the whole world out there seemed to have totally changed. There was brilliance on everything. It was as if a light had been switched on. It was as if previously everything had been in semi-darkness as when you look at a landscape at night when the stars and the moon are shining and there is some light on it and you see vague outlines and something of the landscape. Then you close your eyes and when you open them up again, the sun has come up and suddenly the same things just look completely different. That is how it was with me. Suddenly there was brilliance in the world around me and at the same moment I realised that something had changed within me, something I could not put over into words. It was too great. It was something I had never experienced before. It was a spiritual thing which somehow could not be spoken of by using the words known to mankind. I knew for certain that I was a new creature, a new type of person. I knew I had changed forever. I knew that before I was like a worm, crawling around on a twig, then going into a cocoon and emerging with wings, spreading them out, leaving the twig and flying off into the blue skies above. I was the same person, yet also totally different just as the butterfly is totally different from the worm that it had been before. I just knew that I would, by virtue of this transformation that had taken place within me, forthwith live totally differently than before, not only because it was God’s will for me to do so, but because it was the way this new nature of mine wanted to live. The butterfly does not fly because it must, but because it wants to. It enjoys its newfound liberty. It enjoys using its wings and just sets off discovering new worlds and continents. The Lord had set me free from 29 years of slavery and I was eager to explore this new found liberty.

You may very well ask me whether I ever sinned again, whether I ever seared my wings, compromised my liberty in the Spirit? I will reply to that question at a later stage, but as for now, I just want to relish again that glorious moment in time when I entered the Kingdom of God and personally met the King.

WALKING ACCORDING TO THE TRUTH, SETS YOU FREE TO ENJOY LIFE

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

♦

Martie and I want to express our gratitude to our parents, relatives and friends that have, through all these years, supported us spiritually, financially and in so many other ways. We would never have been able to remain true to the Lord and have contributed towards the extension of His Kingdom had it not been for your love, encouragement and provision. We will be sharing equally in the eternal reward the Lord has stored up for us in heaven. May His blessing also rest on you during the remainder of your sojourn towards your eternal home.

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Published by Ben and Martie Lubbe

Mobile +27 83 276 1887 (Ben)

E-mail: ben@m2819.co.za

ISBN 978-0-620-60643-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

//////////

 By

Ben and Martie Lubbe

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A. THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

.

MORE EXPERIENCES AT WORK

Another incident which is etched into my memory is my special visit to my boss’s office. He was a very senior official, a deputy secretary of the Department of Justice. He was very rude to his staff and often also used the name of the Lord in vain. Every time he did so, it pierced my heart. How could a human be so irreverent towards the Almighty Creator of heaven and earth, the Lord that loved us so much? As time went by, I could stand it no longer and decided to go and speak to him about this matter. I phoned his secretary from my office and made an appointment with him. As I was waiting, my heart trembled with fear for I knew very well that he was not the type of man that would accept my words without offence. Some 15 minutes later, my phone rang and I was called up to his office. He was quite friendly and asked me to sit down. That caused me to feel even more uncertain as to whether I was doing the right thing, but it was too late to turn back and I decided to press on with this issue for if I failed to do so, I would never be able to live with myself in future.

I started off by giving a short testimony of the encounter I had with God, ending by saying that because of this relationship which I now had with the Lord, I was sensitive towards irreverent conduct where He was concerned, and for that reason it upset me to hear him using the Name of God in vain. His reaction was an immediate denial of the fact. He actually said: “I never do that,” which somewhat took the wind out of my sails, but the Lord came to my assistance and so I replied: “Well sir, I am much relieved to hear that you are not doing so wilfully, but I have to point out to you once more that you are in fact doing so, whether you are aware of it or not.” Having said my piece I felt that there was no point in pressing the issue any further.

The fact that I, being a fairly junior official, did speak to him,  confronting him on such a delicate issue, must have been quite a shock, so I just thanked him for the opportunity I had to bring the matter to his attention and then left his office without anything more being said by either of us. I went back to my office much relieved because of the fact that this matter that had been pressing on my heart for such a long time, had been dealt with. At the same time I wondered whether I would be penalised for that in future, whether he would bear a grudge against me. My relief and joy was great after a week or two to find that he was now putting so much more trust in me and never again would he be rude to me as he was to some other staff members, some more senior to me. What is more, never again did he use the name of God irreverently in my presence. Whether he was totally cured of that bad habit, I would not know. I left that to the Lord.

It was incidents such as these that caused me to draw nearer to my Saviour and to trust Him in a deeper way.

But now, lest you are beginning to have a bad opinion of the Department in which I was serving, let me hasten to say that it was managed very, very well, and that it was a prestigious department of which every member of staff could be proud and indeed was so. Strikes, as we experience nowadays, were unheard of, and even the smallest transgression was immediately and strictly dealt with. We knew what our duties were, were well trained and meticulously supervised. There was a very strong sense of responsibility and I recall how I would sometimes be at the office on festival days like New Year’s Day, finishing some urgent work or balancing my financial records before going home and joining in the festivities. There were many others that were like-minded. It was the normal thing, the right thing to do. It was the prevailing life-style of all upright people. We were brought up with a strong sense of human responsibility. The term “Human rights” had not yet become an issue and I dare say that the fruit of that attitude towards life was an orderly society in which people felt secure and could relax. I am not saying that no-one stepped out of line but that that was the exception and not the rule. People could still blush with shame and we toed the line, not for fear of being arrested and sent to jail, but for the unbearable shame it would bring upon us. Decent people would no longer be friends with us. How things have changed. Nowadays cabinet ministers that are caught red-handed embezzling huge sums of money or having extramarital sex, do not flee and hide themselves somewhere in shame, but, using public funds, fight with all their might to retain their posts.

Let me not get entangled with the issues of society – this writing is all about the Lord and His gracious dealings with two sinners called Ben and Martie who He salvaged from the garbage dump and gradually transformed to slightly resemble His Son.

It was He that directed our footsteps day by day and kept us from falling into the snares of the evil one. Sometimes His Spirit just rushed to my assistance when I landed up in grave danger. Such was the case when the devil used a woman to try and ensnare me. In the course of one of the projects assigned to me, I had to work closely with a certain lady over a prolonged period of time. Since I was very dependent on her co-operation, I was of course friendly towards her, not realising that it had the wrong effect. While I was concentrating on the work, she was concentrating on me. Then, one day, she took me aside and almost accusingly asked me whether I had not noticed that she was so much in love with me. I was stunned for I truly had not noticed it and on my part I had no such emotions at all for I loved my wife and, in any event, even before I found the Lord, believed that faithfulness was a great virtue. So what was I to say without seriously offending her? The blessed Holy Spirit just put the Words into my mouth and I humbly answered: “Well thank you for being so frank with me about this matter. I will share it with my wife and we will pray for you so that the Lord may deliver you from these thoughts that are causing you so much distress.” She stared at me for a few moments, then spun around, walked away with as much dignity as she could muster and never again troubled me. When I got home that afternoon, I also immediately shared the incident with Martie, so that she would never learn about it from another source. Transparency between spouses allows no room for the devil. Boy, did he burn his tail that day! I was also grateful towards the Lord for His wisdom to answer the lady in a kind way, for Solomon (who was daily surrounded by hundreds of ladies competing for his attentions) experienced that a soft answer turns away wrath, but a biting Word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1) and even our present day sages say that there is no wrath like that of a woman scorned.

My personal experience in these matters is that it is wise to rely altogether on the Holy Spirit when conflict arises for He knows the hearts and motives of those that confront us and therefore also knows the best way of dealing with every situation. There definitely are instances in which a soft answer may be construed as a measure of willingness to go along with an evil suggestion and it would be necessary to use the Sword of the Word on the “sons of vipers” as Jesus did.

In this regard I recall an instance when we gathered around a huge table in a meeting of twenty or more government officials from several departments. In his opening address, the chairman repeatedly used the Name of the Lord in vain. After he had done so five or six times within the first three minutes, I interrupted him by raising my hand and requesting that we show reverence to God during our meeting for then only would we experience His blessing on the issue we were about to discuss. He turned red with anger, floundered for words for a couple of seconds and then continued with his speech without once abusing the Name of our Lord again.

The Lord Jesus also often addressed wrong behaviour of people openly. What made it difficult for me to do so was that, though being fairly low in seniority, I was designated by my Department to solve functional problems both within our department and also those affecting our co-operation with other departments, so I could not rely on seniority or authority to protect myself but had to leave these issues in the Lord’s hands altogether.

LET THE LIGHT THAT IS WITHIN YOU SHINE WHEREVER YOU GO!

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